I got home from work as a Canine Peace Keeper, sat down and removed the Vapors from my sockless feet. It was a warm day, and I was a tad dewy. Usually in such circumstances the wife, engrossed in something productive, will scrunch up her nose and exclaim, “Holy hell, is that your feet?”
“It’s not my feet. It’s the shoes. My feet wouldn’t stink if society would allow me to roam barefoot as I please,” I explain with practiced patience.
“Ugh. Whatever. Why won’t you wear socks?”
I’d try to conceal my sigh of exasperation, but she knew. She always knows.
“Socks diminish my ground feel,” I answer, futilely.
“I knew you were going to say that.”
“I knew you were going to say you knew what I was going to say. Anyway, I’ll put my shoes in the office and wash my feet pronto, because even I realize I’m not going to win this one.”
Aaaand scene! That’s how it usually goes. Until Rocket Pure Natural Body Care For Athletes came along. A couple of spritzes of some kind of magical tea-tree/eucalyptus/minty Natural Foot Deodorant Spray totally neutralizes the stench of socklessness.
Now I come home from work and interrupt the wife’s productivity with witty banter instead of the odiferous expressions of bacteria. Recently she asked, “So how’s that spray thing working?”
I pointed to the door, where a pair of recently abused Vapors sat stenchlessly. “Go ahead, take a whiff,” I suggested, thrusting the shoes that had been exposed to the dog yard for a week, and also a frotz in the Whatzinit Creek.
They should have been wretched. Oh, and I forgot you don’t know, since you don’t live with her like I do: Iris has a Super Nose. She’ll ask from her office, “Are you cooking onions?” and I’ll reply, “No, but I was going to. Tomorrow.” She’s that good, she can smell into the FUTURE.
Needless to say, after the initial shock of having such muddied and gross apparel enter her olfactoril periphery, she said, “Huh, smells like safety from lice [tea tree oil is, among other things, used to treat head lice].” I knew this product was the real deal.
Look, I never meant for this to be product review blog. I don’t really covet things, so the thought of accumulating a lot of things just sounds like a burdensome chore to me. But c’mon, what would you have me do? This guy says, “Hey, this spray will de-stink your shoes and is made with stuff well-associated with being in contact with skin, so try some for free!” So I did, and events transpired as transcribed above with very few if any creative liberties. This isn’t a commercial, it’s a public service announcement.
How about you, dear reader? Do the ol’ foot coffins need a little freshening up? Click on over to Rocket Pure and enter the promo code BFJosh13 for a 15% discount!