Blog Bits: The Plight of the Vegan Eskimo

I seem to have completely lost my ability to write, so instead of my usual straightforwardness, coherency, and conciseness, and general all-around got-it-togetherness, let me present to you, without further delay (does anyone else have to fight the urge to add “Tom” before the word “delay?” I can’t even remember who Tom Delay is. Was? Whatever. I don’t want to know), Blog Bits, that is, bits of posts I’ve started to write but never finished.

There you go. Blog Bits.

I was going to write about running at Uwharrie with a motley crew, with lots of pictures taken by Shannon (here are a bunch ofJosherific pictures). There were three other bloggers in attendance, them being ac, Der Scott, and Ryan. The links go to their reports of the trippy and I don’t mean that in a Burning Man sort of way event. That would have been the title of this post, by the way: “Uwharrie: Not Your Burning Man’s Trippy.”

Here’s one picture, to give you an idea:

You can call me by my trail name, Trippy Wetstockings.

I wore the Merrell Road Gloves. They continue to fit nicely, and I think were plenty suitable for the ruggedest terrain I’ve yet pranced upon.

I was also going to write about how I was hoping I would be a little faster than ac, but was very not faster. That’s ok, though. Training is going well enough that I might be able to make Umstead interesting, but the real showdown is going to be The Scream in July. This post would have been titled “Boring Training Stuff, Don’t Read.”

That got me thinking about the nature of competition, and I was going to wax philosophical about how competitiveness adds a narrative to ones running life, and doesn’t have to be negative at all. This post would have been titled with the catchy “My Eagerly Anticipated Thoughts on the Topic of Competition.” Even though I want to avenge my losses to ac in soul-crushing fashion, I would totally back him up in a bar fight. Even if he started it. Okay, that’s a lie, I’d be crying under a table. Actually, I don’t do the bar thing, so sorry dude, you’re on your own. I need my beauty sleep.

Sleeping is important to recovery, which is important to getting faster. This post would have been titled “All You Need to Run Faster is a Rubber Band and a Woodchuck’s Tooth.” This one was going well, with lots of funny yet quite possibly useful and previously unheard of advice. But really, who needs another advice-giver-outer? That market is saturated.

Saturated makes me think of fat, which makes me think of diet. This one would have been titled “The Plight of the Vegan Eskimo.” Just to mix things up, I would like to hear various diet advocates explain why so many people function just fine eating diets they oppose. Actually, this one wasn’t really thought out. I just liked the title.

Oh, why not. A limerick!
There once was an Eskimo named Reggie
Who acted at dinner quite edgy
When asked, “My sweet,
Why don’t you eat meat?”
He said, “I’m craving a veggie.”

You’re welcome!

I’m not in the pocket of Big Milk

I faded too fast, in the end was out-sprinted
I’m not on the team as I hoped and had hinted
Don’t be depressed, for my conviction won’t waver
That chocolate milk is a real life saver.

So thank you my friends for your votes and support
So what if the tally came up a bit short?
Chocolate milk is great, but you guys are tops
It’s time to move on to a fuel made with hops!