Blog Bits: The Plight of the Vegan Eskimo

I seem to have completely lost my ability to write, so instead of my usual straightforwardness, coherency, and conciseness, and general all-around got-it-togetherness, let me present to you, without further delay (does anyone else have to fight the urge to add “Tom” before the word “delay?” I can’t even remember who Tom Delay is. Was? Whatever. I don’t want to know), Blog Bits, that is, bits of posts I’ve started to write but never finished.

There you go. Blog Bits.

I was going to write about running at Uwharrie with a motley crew, with lots of pictures taken by Shannon (here are a bunch ofJosherific pictures). There were three other bloggers in attendance, them being ac, Der Scott, and Ryan. The links go to their reports of the trippy and I don’t mean that in a Burning Man sort of way event. That would have been the title of this post, by the way: “Uwharrie: Not Your Burning Man’s Trippy.”

Here’s one picture, to give you an idea:

You can call me by my trail name, Trippy Wetstockings.


I wore the Merrell Road Gloves. They continue to fit nicely, and I think were plenty suitable for the ruggedest terrain I’ve yet pranced upon.

I was also going to write about how I was hoping I would be a little faster than ac, but was very not faster. That’s ok, though. Training is going well enough that I might be able to make Umstead interesting, but the real showdown is going to be The Scream in July. This post would have been titled “Boring Training Stuff, Don’t Read.”

That got me thinking about the nature of competition, and I was going to wax philosophical about how competitiveness adds a narrative to ones running life, and doesn’t have to be negative at all. This post would have been titled with the catchy “My Eagerly Anticipated Thoughts on the Topic of Competition.” Even though I want to avenge my losses to ac in soul-crushing fashion, I would totally back him up in a bar fight. Even if he started it. Okay, that’s a lie, I’d be crying under a table. Actually, I don’t do the bar thing, so sorry dude, you’re on your own. I need my beauty sleep.

Sleeping is important to recovery, which is important to getting faster. This post would have been titled “All You Need to Run Faster is a Rubber Band and a Woodchuck’s Tooth.” This one was going well, with lots of funny yet quite possibly useful and previously unheard of advice. But really, who needs another advice-giver-outer? That market is saturated.

Saturated makes me think of fat, which makes me think of diet. This one would have been titled “The Plight of the Vegan Eskimo.” Just to mix things up, I would like to hear various diet advocates explain why so many people function just fine eating diets they oppose. Actually, this one wasn’t really thought out. I just liked the title.

Oh, why not. A limerick!
There once was an Eskimo named Reggie
Who acted at dinner quite edgy
When asked, “My sweet,
Why don’t you eat meat?”
He said, “I’m craving a veggie.”

You’re welcome!

January Birthday

She knows which birds are singin
and the names of the trees
where they’re performin
in the mornin

So if you change the lyrics “we’re getting married” to “it is her birthday,” it almost works. Especially since we’ve been married for quite a while now, and that event happened in the month of March.

Happy birthday, wife!

Ugh, I’m So Dead: Hit Me Again

OK, change of plans. I could not resist the siren’s song of lentil soup the Umstead Marathon, and whaddayaknow I went and signed up for the thing.

Let’s take a trip, stumble, and fall down memory lane: last year at the race I was having ITB issues for the first time since the barefoot chapter began. My training was oh let’s just call it erratic. It was my slowest marathon ever.

This year I have an opportunity for an “easy” revenge. While I haven’t run long since Ridge to Bridge, I’ve been running. Starting this weekend, I can get four long runs in before a taper. I’m feeling good. Not super fast, but good.

So how will I run it?

1. Zen: run at a pace I feel I could maintain forever, lulling myself into a meditative trance. Finish feeling fresher than at the start, in a state of blissful Nirvana that will last until I start getting jealous of the runners who win a top 15 plaque. Estimated time: 4:00 to 5:00.

2. Run with Shannon: great company, lots of pictures (of me, for all my adoring fans!), and good practice being her pacer for the upcoming Umstead 100. Finish in a sour patch kids-induced sugar coma. Estimated time: 3:35 – 3:45.

3. Run with ac: this will be the first time I might be fast enough to hang with him. He’ll complain about an injury or three, which means he’ll be faster than last year. The effort will break me, but I’ll finish in the top 15. Estimated time: 3:18:24.

4. Run with Scott or Ash or an assortment of friendly runners. Finish with gab-fest-induced laryngitis. Estimated time: ?

Obviously, the friendly company is a major factor in my decision to sign up. I would also like a chance to prove that Ridge to Bridge wasn’t a fluke, and finish either strong or fast. Strong being the smarter objective.

This will put a damper on some of my other plans for the year. The first race of the Greensboro Race Series is only two weeks later, the Martinsville Half the week after that. Regardless of how well I recover, the times for those races will be slower than they would otherwise be. However, those developments are not too lamentable. The Beer Run (for the race series) is a big race, so I most likely won’t finish in the top ten for overall series points. And no matter how fast I could run Martinsville, it won’t be nearly as fast as The Scream’s downhill course in July. See? Totally justified from every angle.

Oh, who am I kidding. This is really all about lentil soup. There’s a Turkish restaurant in the Umstead neighborhood that serves perfection in a bowl. I must return. I need a fix.