My shorts were so long, then. If nothing else, ac was right about that one. Oh, and PS, we’re the same height when he’s not wearing moonboots.
No doubt he is obsessing about how I’m training. Obsess no more, my hot tub dwelling friend, I’m going to be an open book. All barefootjosh.com readers are going to get a play-by-play look into the Barefoot Josh Fast Footing Footbook. That is, my training regimen.
I should probably mention right now that I in no way advocate any of my methods. Any scientific validity to what I do is purely accidental, and if pointed out to me, will be eradicated from the program.
Hey, let’s start now. I’m going to run out in my pajamas and walk on some rocks:
Okay, so maybe not my best video. Still, let’s look at what we’ve learned:
1. I’m in pajamas at 7:30pm.
2. I’m capable of levitating horizontally in space.
3. It’s chilly, so I wore a hoodie. That’s not my hair.
4. We have a lot of big rocks in our backyard.
Why do I do this?
1. Walking slowly on the rocks works all the little muscles in the feet and ankles. This one I’m pretty sure about.
2. Walking quickly on the rocks sharpens the foot-to-brain information processing system. Or something like that.
3. Stepping on the pointy things works like acupuncture, injuring the body not enough to do any damage, but just enough for the brain to send out an overabundance of healing juices throughout the body. I’m basing this on something I read somewhere, sometime. By somebody. Somehow.
4. Such displays of machismo are a common means of intimidating one’s rival. Think Rocky hitting slabs of meat.
How does this make me faster?
1. Not sure yet. I just figure if you’ve got a backyard full of rocks, you should go out and step on them. I’ll report back if I think of something.
I offer training packages, by the way. There’s a little B&B a couple of blocks away, you can stay there for a week. I’ll take you on all of my regular running haunts and jaunts. A one week session is ten million dollars. Sign up now before rates go up! Prices negotiable. Make an offer.
Stay tuned for the next installment of The Barefoot Josh Fast Footing Footbook: Running With Frying Pans.