My nemesis ac pens a flattering homage to yours truly, and so begins the buildup to the showdown on July 14th: The Scream Half Marathon. Our seething hatred for each other will fuel the duel.
That's blood dripping down my right shoulder from his Death Pinch of Death. He won that round.
My shorts were so long, then. If nothing else, ac was right about that one. Oh, and PS, we’re the same height when he’s not wearing moonboots.
No doubt he is obsessing about how I’m training. Obsess no more, my hot tub dwelling friend, I’m going to be an open book. All barefootjosh.com readers are going to get a play-by-play look into the Barefoot Josh Fast Footing Footbook. That is, my training regimen.
I should probably mention right now that I in no way advocate any of my methods. Any scientific validity to what I do is purely accidental, and if pointed out to me, will be eradicated from the program.
Hey, let’s start now. I’m going to run out in my pajamas and walk on some rocks:
Okay, so maybe not my best video. Still, let’s look at what we’ve learned:
1. I’m in pajamas at 7:30pm.
2. I’m capable of levitating horizontally in space.
3. It’s chilly, so I wore a hoodie. That’s not my hair.
4. We have a lot of big rocks in our backyard.
Why do I do this?
1. Walking slowly on the rocks works all the little muscles in the feet and ankles. This one I’m pretty sure about.
2. Walking quickly on the rocks sharpens the foot-to-brain information processing system. Or something like that.
3. Stepping on the pointy things works like acupuncture, injuring the body not enough to do any damage, but just enough for the brain to send out an overabundance of healing juices throughout the body. I’m basing this on something I read somewhere, sometime. By somebody. Somehow.
4. Such displays of machismo are a common means of intimidating one’s rival. Think Rocky hitting slabs of meat.
How does this make me faster?
1. Not sure yet. I just figure if you’ve got a backyard full of rocks, you should go out and step on them. I’ll report back if I think of something.
I offer training packages, by the way. There’s a little B&B a couple of blocks away, you can stay there for a week. I’ll take you on all of my regular running haunts and jaunts. A one week session is ten million dollars. Sign up now before rates go up! Prices negotiable. Make an offer.
Stay tuned for the next installment of The Barefoot Josh Fast Footing Footbook: Running With Frying Pans.
The guy who wears no shoes, wears pajamas? You are an enigma wrapped in a riddle, Josh. A man of contradiction. A mantradiction.
If he wasn’t wearing pyjamas, that would be an entirely different kind of video.
I live a complicated life.
You are not fooling anybody. We can tell you slowed that video down, and you were actually doing a 6 minute mile on those rocks.
No matter. I can beat you at your own game. I just ordered a box of Nike Barefoot Strengthening Rocks for $150, which are better than regular rocks because they have a patented foam covering.
I also got a set of actual acupuncture needles to walk on. I will have the fastest feet come July!
How appropriate that your avatar for this comment has it’s tongue sticking out, AC.
ac: your confidence will make my victory that much sweeter.
Those rocks look too smooth. I’m not impressed. Get pointier rocks. Or get more beers for training. Cheers!
Pointy rocks will be in an upcoming video, I assure you. The smooth and round rocks feel great so long as you step on them right. They really do stretch and work the feet quite nicely.