So I went two weeks without running because of a weird pain in my calfachilankle. The pain only occurred when running slowly. I had no issues with running fast, aside from the usual running fast stuff. Last week I started running again. How did it go, you no doubt are asking your internet delivery system of choice.
My answer would be hitchless, as in, without a hitch. Which is exactly what I predicted would be the case if my secret hypothesis was true. So what happened, you ask your little handheld universe.
I’ll tell you:
In a few years, we will discover how to travel through time, and I will have the opportunity to go for a jaunt. I will choose to go back to mid-April 2012, with the sole purpose of stopping myself from running the Owl’s Roost Rumble Half. The first time around, something awful must have happened. To stop me, I shot/will shoot my younger self with a futuristic blow dart that caused/will cause a pain akin to what one feels when overtaxing their aging bodies.
Since I was going to run Owl’s Roost barefoot, I was going to be slow. The pain only occurred when running slowly, as I’ve said before, so Future Me must have programmed/will program the Future Dart to abstain from interfering with the ol’ lung-wringing efforts. Thanks, Future Me!
I’m a barefoot runner and therefore immune to injury, therefore the Time Travel Blow Dart hypothesis is the only one that makes sense. You know I’m right, because I used the word “hypothesis” – twice now, in fact – and that’s a science word.
So how incredible is that? I’ve avoided unknowable tragedy, I’m feeling fine, and I might even be a little faster than before! Oh, and there’s the whole time travel thing in our near future, so that’s neat too, I guess. But whatevs, I’m running again!